1.) Gents. If you’re early for an appointment, DO NOT wait in the parking lot, across the street, whatever… Drive to get a Coca Cola or some coffee. You’re bringing attention to yourself; if you think no one’s watching, Think again.

2.) Ladies. When and if you reserve an in call, pay attention the area it is in. Also know the layout. When your gentleman caller contacts you for the number let him know how to get to your area/floor. Don’t be having him wandering around.

:example: “Hello Francois. When you enter the front door, head through the foyer and turn right by the desk. Take the elevator up to the 12th floor and head left to room 1215.”

3.) Gents. Yes, you know we like you clean. Let’s define, “clean.” If you’ve had to ’sit down’ to relieve yourself ANYTIME before an appointment, you are no longer clean to (most of) us. Let’s flip the switch, if she has had to ’sit down’ for longer than 37 seconds, would you think well of her cleanliness if you were heading down there? Think about it. Shower. She won’t complain.

4.) Ladies. When checking into your place, dress in a nice suit. Think about where you’re staying. Stop showing up at places looking like the “Happy Hooker”. You’re fucking it up for the rest of us. Dress like you’re there for that weeks conference they’re holding on the second floor atrium.

5.) Gents. *Taking a deep breath* Stop using ALL of our big towels to wash your hands and stuff. Just STOP it. There are clean wash cloths and hand towels, if you used it to dry your hands leave it there until you leave THEN place it in the laundry basket or on the floor under the sink. We pay “Maria y Juan” good tip/hush money for the service to bring in clean towels and extra sheets, we don’t like you spreading yourself everywhere. Some ladies have others to see that day. If you’d like to pay us for the day, hey! That’d be great! But seriously, just please remember to be considerate. Thanks!

6.) Ladies: Don’t be booking appointments back to back to back; I’m sure you know it draws attention to the well beaten path to your door. If you have an appointment at 9AM lasting an hour, don’t be having the next one at 10AM. Do 10:30, at least. Leave time in case things run over, for you to re-freshen up fully and the like…

7.) Gents: Please check the rates/calendars/info on our site. We don’t have bad attitudes, but we get tired of answering the same exact questions in 5 back and forth emails that are on our site. We spend time placing info and adding FAQs for your benefit, please refer to that/those sources.

8.) Ladies: If you’re going to post photos, CLEAN UP YOUR DAMN HOUSE! We are TIRED of seeing your kids toys in the background with clutter, junk, laundry, fucked up furniture and the like. You making anything hire a house keeper or straighten up OR go to a studio for your photos.

9.) Gents: Please don’t ask what we do when we’re not with you and moonlighting. We have pseudonyms for a reason. Many of us like to keep things separate. Please respect that. If some Ladies choose to share their real name, address, and what they do in their other time, that’s fine. Just don’t expect that from all of us.

10.) Ladies and Gents: Please call and cancel. This goes both ways. Some ladies (like myself) refuse to book a $45 place and prefer a 3, 4, 5, star lo-cal. But that starts to add up. For gents, try renting a place anywhere from $50-300/night continuously and you’ll get the same result. Let us both take the 30 seconds to email, IM, call, etc to cancel with PLENTY OF TIME. They may be pissed but they’ll be less pissed if you save them/us some cheddar.

Now I don’t want any hard feelings, this just needed to be said. I now return you to your regularly scheduled program…